Aidan. Straightup this kid teaches me more about myself than I would have ever been able to do without him. Just a couple days ago I had to have a pep talk with him when he was losing his football video game about how everybody loses. Nobody wins 100% of the time...hmmm. Good reminder mom.
Learning how to be a family first and foremost. In a year where I actually have less time with my family I have found I have loved and appreciated them more.
Summer coming. How could I not be? And seriously it is so stinking close I can taste it.
The excitement that Crick and Mindy have for the vision of going to Estonia. I also know it will be a blessing to be so close to them in the next year as they get closer to going on the field.
Still running. Running just because it is good for my heart, soul, mind, and body. Learning how to take care of myself without strict training.
The continual reminder of God's character that the Psalms brings. Even when I'm sucking it up investing in my time with God he continually brings me back in and hasn't changed.
The ocean. I loved it. I am now dreaming of a time where I will live on it. :)
Sod coming. Seriously I couldn't be more excited for grass.
Jeremy. His wisdom, his talents, his humility, and his encouragement. Going back to work has grown us together in ways that have humbled me and I am so so grateful.
God's continual provision. I want for nothing. I am blessed in so many ways and so many times I get ahead of myself and get like a greedy kid who just wants more. I want to live with a giving spirit where it is natural to give not take.
Students who just make me laugh. Are honest with me, are frustrating, and teach me as I teach them.
A job for next year.
The kids school that is phenomenal beyond words. I literally couldn't put into words how great this year has been for them...especially Aidan.
And a reminder that once I start lists like these I could go on forever. That rocks.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Trusting. Grateful. Inspired.
I'm trusting that the green will return again soon.
I am grateful for my family to defuse tonight for me...just what I needed.
I am inspired by gender based classrooms and what it can do for student's learning.
I am grateful for my family to defuse tonight for me...just what I needed.
I am inspired by gender based classrooms and what it can do for student's learning.
Friday, April 09, 2010
Feb 18th, 2008
Started rereading my old posts tonight. And I am reposting because this is so stinking profound. And faith building.
"Last night we were reading about Moses and crossing the red sea. And as I was reading the story and the Israelites were waiting to go across Aidan asked, "why didn't God give them a boat to cross?"
And I thought...I bet they were thinking the same thing. And yet a boat wasn't in God's plan because he was getting ready to do something bigger. Way bigger.
So to those of you that are looking for a boat to cross whatever it is that you facing, know that God is getting ready to send you a parting of the sea. Get ready for bigger."
"Last night we were reading about Moses and crossing the red sea. And as I was reading the story and the Israelites were waiting to go across Aidan asked, "why didn't God give them a boat to cross?"
And I thought...I bet they were thinking the same thing. And yet a boat wasn't in God's plan because he was getting ready to do something bigger. Way bigger.
So to those of you that are looking for a boat to cross whatever it is that you facing, know that God is getting ready to send you a parting of the sea. Get ready for bigger."
Battle early (and often?)
I've always "battled" back with thankful lists when I needed reminders of my blessings. It fills me right up. And tonight I KNOW I have lots to be thankful for...yet I can feel some things creeping up on me. So I'm battling early, before it even gets to a point of necessity.
Thankful for...
1. A downright amazing week at school from both my boys. Blown away awesome.
2. Aidan's bubbling over with excitement when I picked up a friend with him to come home after school and play. Way too much videogames. That's what Fridays and friends are for :)
3. The Wii
4. Taking Micah shopping. His perspective. His pace.
5. Micah saying Hi to all the statutes at Tipsys.
6. Jeremy helping me on my Diet Coke surrender. Winning.
7. The treadmill.
8. Picassa and collages.
9. Word that I have not been displaced for next year.
10. Summer so so close.
11. Swimming lessons tomorrow.
12. Leaving for San Francisco in a week!
13. Anticipating time with Denise.
14. Flowers popping up in the yard.
15. Those students that continue to rock.
16. Music...autofill on my shuffle.
17. Writing my overwhelming list out on paper last night of what I need to do and adding find patience to it. And actually checking it off!
18. Disneyland.
19. Disneyland.
20. Yeah. Disneyland.
21. How the boys complement each other. Aidan builds Micah's new Lego spaceship and Micah totally cool with being able to play with it once it is put together.
22. An amazing marriage.
23. My laundry machine, dryer, dishwasher. Seriously can you imagine?
24. Jeremy finding a new restaurant...looking forward to a date to try it together.
25. Aidan's over overflowing in Legos.
26. Cash.
27. Being used to having no TV programming.
28. Fast dentist appointments.
29. Text messaging.
30. Having a job where I can be creative and "edit" each day.
31. Teaching solving equations.
32. Being ok with "unfinishness" in life.
33. Tinkerbell. And Micah finding it everywhere for me.
34. A friend helping out this morning.
35. My teammates at school.
36. The Foreman grill.
37. Sweet potato fries.
38. Living healthy day after day.
39. Being more comfortable in change.
40. Dreaming of new adventures.
Thankful for...
1. A downright amazing week at school from both my boys. Blown away awesome.
2. Aidan's bubbling over with excitement when I picked up a friend with him to come home after school and play. Way too much videogames. That's what Fridays and friends are for :)
3. The Wii
4. Taking Micah shopping. His perspective. His pace.
5. Micah saying Hi to all the statutes at Tipsys.
6. Jeremy helping me on my Diet Coke surrender. Winning.
7. The treadmill.
8. Picassa and collages.
9. Word that I have not been displaced for next year.
10. Summer so so close.
11. Swimming lessons tomorrow.
12. Leaving for San Francisco in a week!
13. Anticipating time with Denise.
14. Flowers popping up in the yard.
15. Those students that continue to rock.
16. Music...autofill on my shuffle.
17. Writing my overwhelming list out on paper last night of what I need to do and adding find patience to it. And actually checking it off!
18. Disneyland.
19. Disneyland.
20. Yeah. Disneyland.
21. How the boys complement each other. Aidan builds Micah's new Lego spaceship and Micah totally cool with being able to play with it once it is put together.
22. An amazing marriage.
23. My laundry machine, dryer, dishwasher. Seriously can you imagine?
24. Jeremy finding a new restaurant...looking forward to a date to try it together.
25. Aidan's over overflowing in Legos.
26. Cash.
27. Being used to having no TV programming.
28. Fast dentist appointments.
29. Text messaging.
30. Having a job where I can be creative and "edit" each day.
31. Teaching solving equations.
32. Being ok with "unfinishness" in life.
33. Tinkerbell. And Micah finding it everywhere for me.
34. A friend helping out this morning.
35. My teammates at school.
36. The Foreman grill.
37. Sweet potato fries.
38. Living healthy day after day.
39. Being more comfortable in change.
40. Dreaming of new adventures.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
"At Once"
Listened to the book of Mark this last week. Love that when you listen you catch things that you might not when you read.
Check it out.
"12At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert...
18At once they left their nets and followed him.
43Jesus sent him away at once with a strong warning...
Placed a question in me of "would I leave at once?" if God called me to follow. Do I live with a sense of urgency in that which should be dropped for that which is eternal?
Hardly. I hear myself even saying out loud to my kids all the time "let me just finish..."
Praying for me to be more responsive in my life to the eternal.
Check it out.
"12At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert...
18At once they left their nets and followed him.
43Jesus sent him away at once with a strong warning...
Placed a question in me of "would I leave at once?" if God called me to follow. Do I live with a sense of urgency in that which should be dropped for that which is eternal?
Hardly. I hear myself even saying out loud to my kids all the time "let me just finish..."
Praying for me to be more responsive in my life to the eternal.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Choose
Inspired to post tonight by my friend who talked about "mental backup". I think I definitely am one of those people. And when I get like that I find really unsettled...I can't answer a question simply like how are you? (Like when I went to get lab work done at the Dr this week she asked how are you? And like a goof I said "good, well not really but we all say good anyway" Really did she need to know that?) And I put my debit card loose in my purse instead of in my wallet. And I unload half the dishwasher, and I don't engage in where I am at and...
You get the picture. So if for nobody else but me tonight here goes.
So I have had this idea the last few words about a word for the year rather than resolutions. Something to grow as a person and to "resolve" in my character and I challenge those around me to do the same if they would like. The first year it was savor. I had a lot learn about what it meant to rest...not nap, rest. And I ended that year pretty burned out and felt like I didn't really get the word until after I lived in unsavoring for that year despite really wanting that in my life. Realized that savor meant you flavor something and you do that by adding less not more. (Think of spices, can you imagine adding a cup of Italian Seasoning to something?!) And so that flowed into the next year of open. And wow what a year 2009 was. I was open to new adventures, new friendships, open to surrender, open to accept my humanity, and open to the best that God has for my life rather than this "ideal" that we have built up in our minds. And last year rocked me in new amazing ways. I almost lost my son. I battled giving up control on things that I always held so tightly to and was blessed. I was in the classroom again. I followed promptings and saw the hand of God on situations in my life that were so obviously Him at work in. I made choices that brought me to best rather than trying to have it all.
It was kind of like having an awsome meal rather than an all you can eat buffet.
And I learned that life if about the choices we have day by day. The choices on what we dwell on. The choices that we act on. And so as I embrace a new word for this year I'm gonna have to go with choose. I toiled with joy for a while but really that is about choosing joy in circumstances. I toiled with heart because "For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. (Lu 6:45). As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man. (Pr 27:19) ..." And I was even thinking about going with content because again that is a choice of being not just full but satisfied but I think God wants to go big with me this year. I was hesistant to do a word that was so dependent on me but I think I know that my strength is straight up from my God and not from me. I don't think I am trying to do any of this on my own. Especially after living the year of 2009.
I only have so much time. I only have so much money. And both are investments to choose what to invest in. And so that is choosing. Just tonight I chose to stop and do this which means I won't have time to finish grading and entering grades and prepping for the week. So I will have to tomorrow which means I might have to give up something at that time...which I don't like but I have discovered accpecting it is a heck of a lot better than fighting it.
Every day I can choose to react on feelings or choose truth.
I choose to follow Him. Joshua 24:15 "But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."
I choose.
Yep.
You get the picture. So if for nobody else but me tonight here goes.
So I have had this idea the last few words about a word for the year rather than resolutions. Something to grow as a person and to "resolve" in my character and I challenge those around me to do the same if they would like. The first year it was savor. I had a lot learn about what it meant to rest...not nap, rest. And I ended that year pretty burned out and felt like I didn't really get the word until after I lived in unsavoring for that year despite really wanting that in my life. Realized that savor meant you flavor something and you do that by adding less not more. (Think of spices, can you imagine adding a cup of Italian Seasoning to something?!) And so that flowed into the next year of open. And wow what a year 2009 was. I was open to new adventures, new friendships, open to surrender, open to accept my humanity, and open to the best that God has for my life rather than this "ideal" that we have built up in our minds. And last year rocked me in new amazing ways. I almost lost my son. I battled giving up control on things that I always held so tightly to and was blessed. I was in the classroom again. I followed promptings and saw the hand of God on situations in my life that were so obviously Him at work in. I made choices that brought me to best rather than trying to have it all.
It was kind of like having an awsome meal rather than an all you can eat buffet.
And I learned that life if about the choices we have day by day. The choices on what we dwell on. The choices that we act on. And so as I embrace a new word for this year I'm gonna have to go with choose. I toiled with joy for a while but really that is about choosing joy in circumstances. I toiled with heart because "For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. (Lu 6:45). As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man. (Pr 27:19) ..." And I was even thinking about going with content because again that is a choice of being not just full but satisfied but I think God wants to go big with me this year. I was hesistant to do a word that was so dependent on me but I think I know that my strength is straight up from my God and not from me. I don't think I am trying to do any of this on my own. Especially after living the year of 2009.
I only have so much time. I only have so much money. And both are investments to choose what to invest in. And so that is choosing. Just tonight I chose to stop and do this which means I won't have time to finish grading and entering grades and prepping for the week. So I will have to tomorrow which means I might have to give up something at that time...which I don't like but I have discovered accpecting it is a heck of a lot better than fighting it.
Every day I can choose to react on feelings or choose truth.
I choose to follow Him. Joshua 24:15 "But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."
I choose.
Yep.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
The battle List
Fighting frustration with Aidan by a good ole list to reflect on his heart and what I love about him.
1. Getting me a Popsicle tonight.
2. His excitement for football right now and that he totally gets how the game works. Thought that since I was a girl I wouldn't get it...I showed him.
3. His mind. Telling me how he was thinking about catching a shark and had a whole plan for it.
4. When he opened Christmas presents from his grandparents and told them on the phone "I'm so thankful I could just shout."
5. Seeing his growth in swimming. Unbelievable.
6. Pouring cereal for himself and Micah while Jeremy and I took our time getting up.
7. Being so excited that he had so many pajamas they wouldn't fit in his drawer.
8. Wanting to get baby Faith a present. And the picture that he drew for her...took a couple hours to do it.
9. Roleplaying back this morning with me so we could learn how much easier it was to obey.
10. That he can be crazy about Star Wars and legos one minute and football the next.
11. Wanting to grow his hair long so he can be like Lewis (the inventor from Meet the Robinsons)
12. Telling me many times his favorite parts in Cloudy with A Chance of Meatballs. And that he is going to make a machine that turns water into (fill in the blank.)
13. Asking impossible questions like "What if God made it that babies had mommies and we grew backwards in life?"
14. His love for pancakes. And that he is still thankful every time he has them.
15. How much he loves Micah.
13.
1. Getting me a Popsicle tonight.
2. His excitement for football right now and that he totally gets how the game works. Thought that since I was a girl I wouldn't get it...I showed him.
3. His mind. Telling me how he was thinking about catching a shark and had a whole plan for it.
4. When he opened Christmas presents from his grandparents and told them on the phone "I'm so thankful I could just shout."
5. Seeing his growth in swimming. Unbelievable.
6. Pouring cereal for himself and Micah while Jeremy and I took our time getting up.
7. Being so excited that he had so many pajamas they wouldn't fit in his drawer.
8. Wanting to get baby Faith a present. And the picture that he drew for her...took a couple hours to do it.
9. Roleplaying back this morning with me so we could learn how much easier it was to obey.
10. That he can be crazy about Star Wars and legos one minute and football the next.
11. Wanting to grow his hair long so he can be like Lewis (the inventor from Meet the Robinsons)
12. Telling me many times his favorite parts in Cloudy with A Chance of Meatballs. And that he is going to make a machine that turns water into (fill in the blank.)
13. Asking impossible questions like "What if God made it that babies had mommies and we grew backwards in life?"
14. His love for pancakes. And that he is still thankful every time he has them.
15. How much he loves Micah.
13.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Day 15.
More listening. Have taken the 10 minute listen challenge and it is HARD to listen. Continuing to be open to what this can do in my life...it is definitely not natural for me. Need to be on the computer less so off I go.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Day 9
New game plan.
Actually no plan. Just have pretty much been blowing it and finding I need to take Paul's words to heart.
"Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy...think on these things."
True: I am loved.
Noble: I am a queen?! Hmm...that's a strange one.
Right...
Ok the specifics of this are harder than I thought. I do know this...there is lots to be thankful for.
Actually no plan. Just have pretty much been blowing it and finding I need to take Paul's words to heart.
"Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy...think on these things."
True: I am loved.
Noble: I am a queen?! Hmm...that's a strange one.
Right...
Ok the specifics of this are harder than I thought. I do know this...there is lots to be thankful for.
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Day 4 & 5
Spent last night at my team Christmas party and today doing life. So I'm combining. (I can break my own rules that's the beauty.)
1. Connected with God by literally "casting my burdens" on Him. Saw burdens removed instantly.
2. Connected with Aidan by cleaning up his room with him, Mikey by holding his foot in the car, and Jeremy by cuddling a little more than usual.
3. Gave my team their Christmas gifts. Made them Christmas CDs and was bold in my faith. Excited to see what God is gonna do. Expectant.
1. Connected with God by literally "casting my burdens" on Him. Saw burdens removed instantly.
2. Connected with Aidan by cleaning up his room with him, Mikey by holding his foot in the car, and Jeremy by cuddling a little more than usual.
3. Gave my team their Christmas gifts. Made them Christmas CDs and was bold in my faith. Excited to see what God is gonna do. Expectant.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Day 3
Pretty much blew it today. Not intentional but more reactionary.
Barely this..
1. Prayed a lot of breath prayers to get me through the moments of exhaustion.
2. Held Aidan's hand and cuddled with him. Watched the Office with Jeremy while it broadcasted. ( A big deal if you don't have Tivo.)
3. Gave encouragement to my co-worker who feels like he isn't making a difference. Gave grace to a student who didn't have supplies. Gave time to help Aidan get cleaned up when everything in me had nothing left to give and needed to sleep.
Barely this..
1. Prayed a lot of breath prayers to get me through the moments of exhaustion.
2. Held Aidan's hand and cuddled with him. Watched the Office with Jeremy while it broadcasted. ( A big deal if you don't have Tivo.)
3. Gave encouragement to my co-worker who feels like he isn't making a difference. Gave grace to a student who didn't have supplies. Gave time to help Aidan get cleaned up when everything in me had nothing left to give and needed to sleep.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Day 2
1. Read My Utmost for His Highest and was struck with some awesome words on obedience and being open to God using us.
2. Connected with Micah by sitting on the stairs with him and eating some pizza rather than running around like a crazy person putting stuff away.
3. Gave to Jeremy by trying to scrape his windshield before I left for work since he had to park outside due to Christmas decorations in the garage. Too bad it kept snowing :)
2. Connected with Micah by sitting on the stairs with him and eating some pizza rather than running around like a crazy person putting stuff away.
3. Gave to Jeremy by trying to scrape his windshield before I left for work since he had to park outside due to Christmas decorations in the garage. Too bad it kept snowing :)
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Day 1
1. Connected with God in some heartfelt specific prayer. Listened. And new things were revealed to me about the work that He has done in me this fall. Hard to explain but God gets it.
2. Connected with Aidan by taking the time to fill his stocking tonight (with stuff from around the house) after he went to bed. So very important to him and I can so easily get caught up in what is important to me.
3. Gave encouragement to a coworker who was feeling guilty that she wasn't doing more this year with all the big ideas she wanted to implement. (She literally said, "I need to confess to somebody..." ) Reminded her that we have limits on what we can do and that God created us that way. Couldn't have told her that if I wasn't learning it myself right now.
2. Connected with Aidan by taking the time to fill his stocking tonight (with stuff from around the house) after he went to bed. So very important to him and I can so easily get caught up in what is important to me.
3. Gave encouragement to a coworker who was feeling guilty that she wasn't doing more this year with all the big ideas she wanted to implement. (She literally said, "I need to confess to somebody..." ) Reminded her that we have limits on what we can do and that God created us that way. Couldn't have told her that if I wasn't learning it myself right now.
Monday, November 30, 2009
December Daily Challenge
Ok I'm a dork. I like lists. I like to challenge myself. And I like something that is concrete. (Don't know where Algebra fits in there.) So this idea is the intertwining of a lot of that in my life. I got challenged at church a week ago with "what if we were connected to God all the time?" And then church was just an extension of that rather than a "re-charge" (Thanks Shelley :)) And since Christmas is the celebration of God with us, I love that we can take time to celebrate that more and celebrate the consuming of stuff less.
So with that thought here is what I am going to shoot for this month.
3 things each day intentionally.
1. How did I connect with God.
2. How did I connect with my family...my Jeremy and my boys.
3. What I did to give today.
Today (even though it is offically still November)...
1. I prayed with my cousin and sought God's peace for her when she needed to be reminded of truth.
2. I swang them upsidedown and just had fun (the boys, not Jeremy :))
3. Used my free underwear coupon for a gift for somebody instead of for myself. Strange but true.
So with that thought here is what I am going to shoot for this month.
3 things each day intentionally.
1. How did I connect with God.
2. How did I connect with my family...my Jeremy and my boys.
3. What I did to give today.
Today (even though it is offically still November)...
1. I prayed with my cousin and sought God's peace for her when she needed to be reminded of truth.
2. I swang them upsidedown and just had fun (the boys, not Jeremy :))
3. Used my free underwear coupon for a gift for somebody instead of for myself. Strange but true.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Rescue.
Been trying to find the words to speak my heart after the last week. Wanting to journal the story but just haven't had it in me. It's hard retelling and retelling...sometimes just the facts, sometimes the whole emotional side. Depends on who and the situation. Last weekend I must have answered to 10 different doctors "so tell me what happened"
What happened was best captured beyond the facts...it was a call for a rescue and an answer from our Crazy Faithful God. And Hillsong has it right here. So close to home today.
What happened was best captured beyond the facts...it was a call for a rescue and an answer from our Crazy Faithful God. And Hillsong has it right here. So close to home today.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Prayer and Faith in Desperation
Isn't it funny how we can over christian-ize prayer? All of these fancy things we feel like we have to say, all of the christian-speak that we may have learned after years in the church. At best it might be a combination of truth and repetition of things that mean little to us anymore, at worst it is all repetition with not an ounce of faith.
While I was holding Micah and waiting for the ambulance, I found that prayer got really simple and really easy, because it was all heart. It wasn't a "fox hole" prayer, I wasn't bargaining with God, I was petitioning. Looking back I remember several basic things I was praying:
1. Please save Micah's life
2. I know you love Micah more than I ever could
3. Please save Micah's life
Now I know everyday prayer probably isn't so basic and focused, but why not try praying what is actually on your heart rather than the same thing you've been praying for years. If we're honest, we may not even be sure why we are saying the words anymore. And if the things we should be praying for aren't on our hearts, maybe we should be praying for heart. Of course, here's what Jesus told us to do:
"This, then, is how you should pray:
'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.' "
While we are talking prayer, thanks to everyone who was praying for our Micah. right now I am rejoicing in watching him eat pizza and watch a movie without any wires, tubes or IVs connected to him. I have a feeling that everyday monotonous events are going to be a cause for celebration in our house for awhile.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Complete.
Haven't posted in a while. And found that my mind kind of gets backed up when I don't. My life is so FULL now that I am examining the heart of what to pour into. And it's been laid on my heart to "nurture that which God has entrusted to me". And finding what that LOOKS like not just some cute Rachel idea has challenged me to new depths. My house is no longer the papers filed, dishes done, laundry put away (ok never have been so great at that) house that it once was. It's appearance is definitely more un-kept. My running has gone from 6 miles at a time with spinning and lifting to 2 miles with some push-ups. My grading is rarely done. My Christmas presents aren't started and (possibliy complete) but the heart of it is...we are thriving as a family. (Yeah despite evertyone actually physically being sick right now.)
I have faced more fears in the last 3 months than I knew I could. Here's some hard core honestly...appearing to be all together has something that was vital to me. Coming from a home where I was poor I did whatever I could to make sure nobody knew that...found some great reasons why I had tickets for lunch when really the reason was that I got them reduced. I faced a lot of my fear of apperance when dealing with my mom's death. Explaining an overdose isn't excatly an easy one either. I want more than anything to look like I have it together and so having this house so imcomplete has been a constant struggle for me to "explain away the remodeling". But funny thing is I don't anymore. I invited Aidan' entire class and their moms over for a Haloween party and faced my fear that my house is incomplete and yet we are celebrating anyway. (God was gracious and dumped so much snow that nobody saw our incomplete lawn and debris.) My heart was more complete having him have friends to invite over than to worry that the bathroom is gutted.
I have gained 3 lbs. My laundry is sitting in a basket. I left papers at school. I don't feel ready to teach" competing the sqaure". Which is the next fear I need to face...taking the math certification. I already have faced the fear of people finding me out that I'm not a "real math teacher". And yet the side I chose to celebrate is an amazing conference for Aidan at school, a boy soaring in his speech once again. And hearing...
"mommy I don't want anything on my Christmas list. I am blessed."
Sweet. So am I.
(Inspired by: http://mollyirwin.typepad.com/mollyirwin/2009/11/thankful-november-13.html)
I have faced more fears in the last 3 months than I knew I could. Here's some hard core honestly...appearing to be all together has something that was vital to me. Coming from a home where I was poor I did whatever I could to make sure nobody knew that...found some great reasons why I had tickets for lunch when really the reason was that I got them reduced. I faced a lot of my fear of apperance when dealing with my mom's death. Explaining an overdose isn't excatly an easy one either. I want more than anything to look like I have it together and so having this house so imcomplete has been a constant struggle for me to "explain away the remodeling". But funny thing is I don't anymore. I invited Aidan' entire class and their moms over for a Haloween party and faced my fear that my house is incomplete and yet we are celebrating anyway. (God was gracious and dumped so much snow that nobody saw our incomplete lawn and debris.) My heart was more complete having him have friends to invite over than to worry that the bathroom is gutted.
I have gained 3 lbs. My laundry is sitting in a basket. I left papers at school. I don't feel ready to teach" competing the sqaure". Which is the next fear I need to face...taking the math certification. I already have faced the fear of people finding me out that I'm not a "real math teacher". And yet the side I chose to celebrate is an amazing conference for Aidan at school, a boy soaring in his speech once again. And hearing...
"mommy I don't want anything on my Christmas list. I am blessed."
Sweet. So am I.
(Inspired by: http://mollyirwin.typepad.com/mollyirwin/2009/11/thankful-november-13.html)
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Punched in the gut
Been reading the same chapters for my devotions lately and using the Message version to get a different perspective (yes I know to be careful that this is just some guys interpretation) and came across THIS:
"If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run of the mill sinner does that."
Matthew 5: 47
You can't read that and just go on your way. You can't read that and not look deeper into your actions. At least I hope not.
Yesterday was tough as a mom. Then we had a 2:30 am puking wake up call. And today was laundry, calling in a sub and writing sub plans, going to the doctor, laying with sick and needy boys, and loving the "grouchy no-appetite kid". But I am challenged to ask myself how hard is it to love my boys when they are getting along, sleeping, and fun? The true test comes when they are "unloveable".
But it doesn't stop there. Here is the hope offered. "Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives towards you." (vs 48)
Now that I can cling to. Hope because our God created us in HIS image. To give. Now to start my list on all that God has given to me...
Be back tomorrow.
"If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run of the mill sinner does that."
Matthew 5: 47
You can't read that and just go on your way. You can't read that and not look deeper into your actions. At least I hope not.
Yesterday was tough as a mom. Then we had a 2:30 am puking wake up call. And today was laundry, calling in a sub and writing sub plans, going to the doctor, laying with sick and needy boys, and loving the "grouchy no-appetite kid". But I am challenged to ask myself how hard is it to love my boys when they are getting along, sleeping, and fun? The true test comes when they are "unloveable".
But it doesn't stop there. Here is the hope offered. "Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives towards you." (vs 48)
Now that I can cling to. Hope because our God created us in HIS image. To give. Now to start my list on all that God has given to me...
Be back tomorrow.
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