20 hours of not speaking. But I found that silence goes beyond words if you let it.
Both harder and easier than I thought it would be...
I planned for it and so I wasn't caught off guard in my actual teaching. I still felt helpless many times in those what needed help, but I knew that tomorrow I could help them if they needed help.
But it was the times I wasn't expecting it that were the hardest. Like lunch. I couldn't talk to my teammates and that is how we connect each day. I felt disconnected and that was tough. Or when somebody came in my room to fix my desk drawers and I had to "explain" myself. Or when I went in to put laundry in Aidan's room and he was still awake and asked me to cuddle with him.
You feel helpless when you can't talk, and I think that is something you can't discover unless you do it.
But then there was the good that came. My students were more engaged than ever and learned that they can "listen" all the more when they try. They couldn't rely on what they usually did and so it took them out of their comfort zone and therefore they grew more. And today they hardly had any questions on the lesson from yesterday.
Bottom line: you pay attention more to what is around you when there is silence. And I think that is the spiritual lesson I learned. That when you are silent you can't rely on yourself so much. You get out of your own way...and that is a lesson right there.
And surprisingly, when I broke the silence, I was more at peace. I didn't feel like I had to get out a whole bunch. I chose my words more carefully. I knew that words carried power and I understood the wisdom of Proverbs about what our tongue could do.
And today when I had the chance I didn't pick up my phone right away to make a call or text. I waited and chose to be silent for a little bit first.
Getting out my own way is always a lesson I can be reminded of.
