Refections on Silence.

20 hours of not speaking. But I found that silence goes beyond words if you let it.

Both harder and easier than I thought it would be...

I planned for it and so I wasn't caught off guard in my actual teaching. I still felt helpless many times in those what needed help, but I knew that tomorrow I could help them if they needed help.

But it was the times I wasn't expecting it that were the hardest. Like lunch. I couldn't talk to my teammates and that is how we connect each day. I felt disconnected and that was tough. Or when somebody came in my room to fix my desk drawers and I had to "explain" myself. Or when I went in to put laundry in Aidan's room and he was still awake and asked me to cuddle with him.

You feel helpless when you can't talk, and I think that is something you can't discover unless you do it.

But then there was the good that came. My students were more engaged than ever and learned that they can "listen" all the more when they try. They couldn't rely on what they usually did and so it took them out of their comfort zone and therefore they grew more. And today they hardly had any questions on the lesson from yesterday.

Bottom line: you pay attention more to what is around you when there is silence. And I think that is the spiritual lesson I learned. That when you are silent you can't rely on yourself so much. You get out of your own way...and that is a lesson right there.

And surprisingly, when I broke the silence, I was more at peace. I didn't feel like I had to get out a whole bunch. I chose my words more carefully. I knew that words carried power and I understood the wisdom of Proverbs about what our tongue could do.

And today when I had the chance I didn't pick up my phone right away to make a call or text. I waited and chose to be silent for a little bit first.

Getting out my own way is always a lesson I can be reminded of.

The Giving heart...and all my son teaches me

I'm too tired to make this sound grammatically correct or even a great written story but it's one that must be told so here go...

2 weeks ago I Aidan did some extra chores around the house so I paid him double of his allowance. (10 bucks instead of 5.) So we sat down and divided it out between saving, spending, and God. So he takes his 10 bucks and saves 5 and gives 5 to God. He was saving for a lego and so he said he only needed 5 dollars to get it so he would give the rest to God. And so I used it as a teachable moment on how God takes what we give Him and muliplies it and we read the story of the little boy with the fish and the bread. He got it and wanted to give God $100 bucks when he got it. And we talked about how we don't give to God because we want Him to give it back to us but because we trust Him. I think he got it, for sure some seeds were planeted.

So the day continues and I thought he would want to head to the store and buy his lego, but instead he decides that he wants to save for a video game and so he needs to save $15 more dollars.

And he never once regretted giving God that extra $5. Even though he was now 4 dollars less than he really had earned.

He even offered his $35 this week multiple times. Once for Auntie and Uncle to go to Estonia and share God's love. Once to buy us a desk. Once to buy Micah some coloring books.

And then this week I found $5 that was buried in a card that he got way back at Halloween. And then today I found $8 more that was buried in old card he got for Valentines day.

And now he had $13 more than he expected. He can buy the video game.

He trusted. And God showed him blessing without him even expecting it, and reminded me the faith of a child.

I was humbled.