Day 15.

More listening. Have taken the 10 minute listen challenge and it is HARD to listen. Continuing to be open to what this can do in my life...it is definitely not natural for me. Need to be on the computer less so off I go.

Day 14.

Need to listen more in life all around. To my friends, my family, and to my God.

Day 10.

Cuddled with Aidan tonight. Changed everything.

Day 9

New game plan.

Actually no plan. Just have pretty much been blowing it and finding I need to take Paul's words to heart.

"Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy...think on these things."

True: I am loved.
Noble: I am a queen?! Hmm...that's a strange one.
Right...

Ok the specifics of this are harder than I thought. I do know this...there is lots to be thankful for.

Day 4 & 5

Spent last night at my team Christmas party and today doing life. So I'm combining. (I can break my own rules that's the beauty.)

1. Connected with God by literally "casting my burdens" on Him. Saw burdens removed instantly.

2. Connected with Aidan by cleaning up his room with him, Mikey by holding his foot in the car, and Jeremy by cuddling a little more than usual.

3. Gave my team their Christmas gifts. Made them Christmas CDs and was bold in my faith. Excited to see what God is gonna do. Expectant.

Day 3

Pretty much blew it today. Not intentional but more reactionary.
Barely this..
1. Prayed a lot of breath prayers to get me through the moments of exhaustion.

2. Held Aidan's hand and cuddled with him. Watched the Office with Jeremy while it broadcasted. ( A big deal if you don't have Tivo.)

3. Gave encouragement to my co-worker who feels like he isn't making a difference. Gave grace to a student who didn't have supplies. Gave time to help Aidan get cleaned up when everything in me had nothing left to give and needed to sleep.

Day 2

1. Read My Utmost for His Highest and was struck with some awesome words on obedience and being open to God using us.

2. Connected with Micah by sitting on the stairs with him and eating some pizza rather than running around like a crazy person putting stuff away.

3. Gave to Jeremy by trying to scrape his windshield before I left for work since he had to park outside due to Christmas decorations in the garage. Too bad it kept snowing :)

Day 1

1. Connected with God in some heartfelt specific prayer. Listened. And new things were revealed to me about the work that He has done in me this fall. Hard to explain but God gets it.

2. Connected with Aidan by taking the time to fill his stocking tonight (with stuff from around the house) after he went to bed. So very important to him and I can so easily get caught up in what is important to me.

3. Gave encouragement to a coworker who was feeling guilty that she wasn't doing more this year with all the big ideas she wanted to implement. (She literally said, "I need to confess to somebody..." ) Reminded her that we have limits on what we can do and that God created us that way. Couldn't have told her that if I wasn't learning it myself right now.

December Daily Challenge

Ok I'm a dork. I like lists. I like to challenge myself. And I like something that is concrete. (Don't know where Algebra fits in there.) So this idea is the intertwining of a lot of that in my life. I got challenged at church a week ago with "what if we were connected to God all the time?" And then church was just an extension of that rather than a "re-charge" (Thanks Shelley :)) And since Christmas is the celebration of God with us, I love that we can take time to celebrate that more and celebrate the consuming of stuff less.

So with that thought here is what I am going to shoot for this month.

3 things each day intentionally.
1. How did I connect with God.
2. How did I connect with my family...my Jeremy and my boys.
3. What I did to give today.

Today (even though it is offically still November)...
1. I prayed with my cousin and sought God's peace for her when she needed to be reminded of truth.
2. I swang them upsidedown and just had fun (the boys, not Jeremy :))
3. Used my free underwear coupon for a gift for somebody instead of for myself. Strange but true.

Rescue.

Been trying to find the words to speak my heart after the last week. Wanting to journal the story but just haven't had it in me. It's hard retelling and retelling...sometimes just the facts, sometimes the whole emotional side. Depends on who and the situation. Last weekend I must have answered to 10 different doctors "so tell me what happened"

What happened was best captured beyond the facts...it was a call for a rescue and an answer from our Crazy Faithful God. And Hillsong has it right here. So close to home today.

Prayer and Faith in Desperation

Isn't it funny how we can over christian-ize prayer? All of these fancy things we feel like we have to say, all of the christian-speak that we may have learned after years in the church. At best it might be a combination of truth and repetition of things that mean little to us anymore, at worst it is all repetition with not an ounce of faith.

While I was holding Micah and waiting for the ambulance, I found that prayer got really simple and really easy, because it was all heart. It wasn't a "fox hole" prayer, I wasn't bargaining with God, I was petitioning. Looking back I remember several basic things I was praying:

1. Please save Micah's life

2. I know you love Micah more than I ever could

3. Please save Micah's life

Now I know everyday prayer probably isn't so basic and focused, but why not try praying what is actually on your heart rather than the same thing you've been praying for years. If we're honest, we may not even be sure why we are saying the words anymore. And if the things we should be praying for aren't on our hearts, maybe we should be praying for heart. Of course, here's what Jesus told us to do:

"This, then, is how you should pray:
'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.' "

While we are talking prayer, thanks to everyone who was praying for our Micah. right now I am rejoicing in watching him eat pizza and watch a movie without any wires, tubes or IVs connected to him. I have a feeling that everyday monotonous events are going to be a cause for celebration in our house for awhile.

Complete.

Haven't posted in a while. And found that my mind kind of gets backed up when I don't. My life is so FULL now that I am examining the heart of what to pour into. And it's been laid on my heart to "nurture that which God has entrusted to me". And finding what that LOOKS like not just some cute Rachel idea has challenged me to new depths. My house is no longer the papers filed, dishes done, laundry put away (ok never have been so great at that) house that it once was. It's appearance is definitely more un-kept. My running has gone from 6 miles at a time with spinning and lifting to 2 miles with some push-ups. My grading is rarely done. My Christmas presents aren't started and (possibliy complete) but the heart of it is...we are thriving as a family. (Yeah despite evertyone actually physically being sick right now.)

I have faced more fears in the last 3 months than I knew I could. Here's some hard core honestly...appearing to be all together has something that was vital to me. Coming from a home where I was poor I did whatever I could to make sure nobody knew that...found some great reasons why I had tickets for lunch when really the reason was that I got them reduced. I faced a lot of my fear of apperance when dealing with my mom's death. Explaining an overdose isn't excatly an easy one either. I want more than anything to look like I have it together and so having this house so imcomplete has been a constant struggle for me to "explain away the remodeling". But funny thing is I don't anymore. I invited Aidan' entire class and their moms over for a Haloween party and faced my fear that my house is incomplete and yet we are celebrating anyway. (God was gracious and dumped so much snow that nobody saw our incomplete lawn and debris.) My heart was more complete having him have friends to invite over than to worry that the bathroom is gutted.

I have gained 3 lbs. My laundry is sitting in a basket. I left papers at school. I don't feel ready to teach" competing the sqaure". Which is the next fear I need to face...taking the math certification. I already have faced the fear of people finding me out that I'm not a "real math teacher". And yet the side I chose to celebrate is an amazing conference for Aidan at school, a boy soaring in his speech once again. And hearing...

"mommy I don't want anything on my Christmas list. I am blessed."

Sweet. So am I.

(Inspired by: http://mollyirwin.typepad.com/mollyirwin/2009/11/thankful-november-13.html)

Punched in the gut

Been reading the same chapters for my devotions lately and using the Message version to get a different perspective (yes I know to be careful that this is just some guys interpretation) and came across THIS:

"If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run of the mill sinner does that."
Matthew 5: 47

You can't read that and just go on your way. You can't read that and not look deeper into your actions. At least I hope not.

Yesterday was tough as a mom. Then we had a 2:30 am puking wake up call. And today was laundry, calling in a sub and writing sub plans, going to the doctor, laying with sick and needy boys, and loving the "grouchy no-appetite kid". But I am challenged to ask myself how hard is it to love my boys when they are getting along, sleeping, and fun? The true test comes when they are "unloveable".

But it doesn't stop there. Here is the hope offered. "Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives towards you." (vs 48)

Now that I can cling to. Hope because our God created us in HIS image. To give. Now to start my list on all that God has given to me...
Be back tomorrow.

Sunday 10

1. Went to Forefront Online Campus. Found out more about David and Goliath. How is that possible when I have heard the story like what 3, 492 times?

2. Ran and accepted that I didn't have to go all out.

3. Read stories and sang the tunes that went with Micah's book. They laughed.

4. Made a healthier choice for lunch than we were initially going to and it was so yummy :)

5. Sorted clothes. Sought out who I could bless and God totally brought that person to mind and found out it was an answer to prayer. That blessed me.

6. Helped my neighbor with some math.

7. Got woke up with "thank you mommy and daddy for the balloons"

8. Got woke up a 2nd time with Micah bringing me flowers, telling me it was time for breakfast and coming down to pancakes, coffee, and eggs.

9. Thought about the kingdom. Seek first and all these things will be added to you as well. I'm getting (understanding) a little bit more of that than ever. Hope I can continue to grow in this.

10. Keep thinking about how to consume less. How to get rid of clutter in a way that allows to enjoy what you really love. (Going through boy clothes started this thought in that Micah has SO MUCH in his drawers that he can't even get to his favorite shirts.)

Friday and Saturday 10 +10

That's 20 :)

Friday
1. Took the long way home and drove past our old town home. Awesome moment of looking back.

2. Took the boys to "shooting ball" place.

3. Watched Robin Hood with the boys. (Actually watched, didn't do my own thing on the side.) Never realized they had a noose in it before. That's a tough one to explain...

4. Left work with no papers in hand. Could have. Chose not to.

5. Was reminded of why I don't teach LA anymore while grading SCR responses for ELC day. Ha ha check out all those acronyms :)

6. Finished and ordered my dad's birthday present. Big 60 this year :)

7. Moved some furniture to get ready for the carpet cleaner today.

8. Didn't overreact when I could/should have.

9. Kept my mouth shut while others fed off each other on the work overload. Still trying to figure out how to be a light in situations like this.

10. Made choices to consume less.

Saturday

1. Got the carpets cleaned.

2. Brought the boys to the dentist. No cavities. After Aidan' spring appt this was a BIG celebration.

3. Got Little Ceasers for lunch, ate it in the driveway so the carpet could dry. Played with sidewalk chalk. Wrote rhyming words.

4. Went to birthday party at Pump it Up. Played. And played some more. It is way more fun to be a kid than watch the kids.

5. Went on a mini-hike. Needed some non-city moments even if for a moment.

6. Was told by Aidan that I need to hunt down the bears and hyneas and tear their skin off for breakfast for his Surviorman birthday party. Hmmm.

7. Made French Toast for dinner.

8. Got surprised by Jeremy coming home.

9. Went and got new balloons.

10. Randomly rememberd the moment I had slurpees with Aidan in Target right before I went into labor with Micah. I knew it was the last time it would be just "us" and treasured it.

Thursday 10

Missed yesterday. Most of it was spent sleeping :)

Today

1. Had "Family Night" at Starbucks at 8 tonight after conferences. Felt totally blessed to have hot chocolate with the boys.

2. Got water for Pluto at Starbucks...gave the guy a good laugh.

3. Took a nap in the van in the parking lot of the park.

4. Woke up. That was a challenge in inself today.

5. Comforted Micah in the early hours of the morning that there were no snakes in his bed.

6. Tucked Aidan in. He was so proud that he set his bed up on the floor.

7. Talked to a lot more parents. Realized that "student led" really is just talk to your student until the teacher can sit down with you. Will be more prepared for next time.

8. Enjoyed a low-key teaching day. Discovered a softer side to the kids.

9. Reflected on what is the biggest inconvenience in my life right now and what God is revealing to me through that.

10. Hard core believe in the power of prayer. There is no earthly explanation on how I could feel so healthy when I am so sick.

Tuesday 10

1. Called in a sub for tomorrow. I'm sick and that is ok.

2. Gave a student a hug who was brought to tears from a test grade.

3. Encouraged a lot of parents that test scores are going to be low and that is because I expect critical thinking not just answers. They supported me and it encouraged me to know they got it.

4. Watched a lot of Frasiers when I got home.

5. Got some interesting perspectives on why kids aren't doing their hw.

6. Ate peanutbutter rice krispy bars. Love them.

7. Helped Micah down the stairs with Pluto and Mickey this morning.

8. Was blessed my my teammate doing my outdoor duty because I wasn't feeling good.

9. Put out candycorn.

10. Kissed my sleeping boys that I didn't get to see all day. Missed them. Oh yeah and bought them Haloween cookies for a special treat for tomorrow. Now I even get to give it to them in person :)

Monday 10 Things

A while back (long while) I did "3" things...3 pictures, 3 things to remember, and 3 things I was thankful for. I thought I'd give a try at a list of 10 for a week. 10 things I did during the day. In a life so full right now I am hoping it reminds me of what was the most important.

1. Gave Micah a kiss goodnight on the nose and he said "not on my nose, on my mouth!"

2. Sent a text and got a text reminding me of God's goodness and rewards of obedience.

3. Scored and recorded 130 tests...all grades are ready for conferences! Ahhh! Breathe.

4. Turned in something to get copied that wasn't perfect...I sent it to print anyway.

5. Listened to Matthew 1-6. Thought it was weird how it went from Jesus birth to the Beatitudes so quickly, never noticed that before.

6. Went to Souper Salad. Was so proud of Aidan getting all his own food himself and then he dumped it all over the floor. Allowed him to feel sad (with the reminding from Jeremy :)) instead of telling him why he could just fix it and go on. It was a big deal to him. Acknowledging that was good.

7. Took a long hot shower in hopes to feel better. I am coming down with something and trying to stay ontop of it.

8. Let some stuff go.

9. Called Jeremy to ask for encouragement when I was feeling overwhelmed. Got some.

10. Had Aidan find me to tell me he got to the next level all by himself. He was so proud. I was happy for him. Especially after his being grounded being removed...all the more excitement to play again.

On Feb 6th

I wrote "Being busy keeps us in "good mode" but being still moves us to extraordinary."
I was reading Psalm 23.
I was helping those that "didn't get math."
I was redefining what was important to me.

Today.

I started my morning with Matthew 5.
I read the promises of Psalm 23.
I cherished my night with my boys.
I am planning Surface Area and Volume.
I am redefining what is important to me.

I am writing the line from Dead Poet's Society "dare to live lives extraordinary".

Dare.

In February I believed it came from being still, but now I am in a season of more on my plate than ever. Still isn't outward it is inward. "It is well with my soul" came out of a story of horrible circumstances.

Bottom line. He must become more. I must become less.

Dare for extraordinary.

A perspective shot

After finally collaspsing tonight I clicked on this http://shuttersisters.com/home/2009/9/8/the-big-picture.html
and this http://biglefteye.blogspot.com/2009/09/makes-me-feel-so-tiny-in-this-small.html

Need a good kick tonight to take a breath and enjoy the view. Here is my perspective shot from just last month @ Mt. Yale. I have always loved the perspective that the mountains give. God is crazy creative.